Twitters Never Win. Winners Never Twit.

Okay, I tried it.Now my fair and balanced analysis: Twitter is the biggest, stupidest fucking waste of time since Cats.How intelligent people can possibly squander their precious hours on Earth reading about how other people are about to get their drapes dry cleaned or their colons scoped is beyond comprehension.It is a commentary on the nature of our age that we have to resort to such

Copywriters Are Smarter Than Economists

At its heart, advertising is the art of giving people a reason to prefer a product when there is no reason.Call me cynical.The principal underlying this definition is that human beings are not logic machines. Their decisions are always emotional. Even when they utilize logic, they use it as one component of what is ultimately an emotional decision.Copywriters understand this. Economists don't.

A Tribute To Second Rate Things

I like...hamburger better than steakspring training better than the regular seasontv better than movieslimericks better than poetryrock better than jazzbeer better than winekhakis better than slackssneakers better than shoes.Timex better than RolexNew Jersey better than New Yorksalesmen better than marketersmutts better than poodlesMel Brooks better than Woody Allencandy corn better than

Ad Agency Nuclear Waste

Our agency has about 100 people. It's pretty big by independent agency standards, but tiny by global agency standards.One thing I love about our agency is that my partners have developed their own morality about our business. One aspect of this is that they take particular interest in protecting the people who work for us.People have left good jobs to come to work for us. Some have moved across

I Am A Twit

I believe that social media is one big circle jerk.I am convinced that the same people read this blog every day. I am certain this is true of all blogs and social sites -- the only difference is the size of the circle and the vigor of the jerks.Along those lines, those who follow TAC know that I have had very harsh words for people who Twitter. (See "How The Narcissistic Keep In Touch With The

Is "Search" Advertising?

When I think of advertising on the web, I think of three different flavors:Search: Listings on Google or some other search engine.Display: Banners or other types of static or moving ad units.Social media: Advertising disguised as something else (blog, website, online community, etc.)The most effective seems to be "search." It accounts for over 40% of all on-line ad dollars. From what I've been

Crisis Of Advertising, Part 3: Talent

This is Part 3 of a 5-part series on "The Crisis of Advertising." You can find the first two parts here: Part 1, and here: Part 2.TalentAt one point in my career I left the agency business for three years and did creative work directly for clients. During those three years I learned a very important lesson about ad agencies. Clients do not like working with us.They mostly laugh (behind our backs

3 Lessons From A Chaotic Week

There are lessons from the economic turmoil of the past week.1. All social systems are flawedWhen things go bad, it's comforting to have someone to blame. In this current cycle of hysteria there's certainly enough blame to go around.However, even if there were people with perfect foresight; even if they could foresee what would happen; even if they had a perfect record of predicting economic

The Crisis Of Advertising, Part 2

Here at TAC Global Headquarters, we agree with the pundits who say the ad industry is all screwed up. However, we disagree with them about why it's screwed up. Over the next week or so, we're going to be looking at what's gone wrong, and why the business sucks so bad. Today's post is about consolidation.ConsolidationThere is one thing that the last 10 years has taught us about consolidation in

The Crisis Of Advertising, Part 1

Advertising pundits are right about one thing. The ad industry is a fucking disaster.They are wrong, however, about what is causing the problems.The crisis is not being caused by the internet. The internet should be a boon to advertising.The crisis is not being caused by "new media." New media should be stimulating a creative resurgence.The crisis is not the result of consumers becoming immune to

Obligations Of A Blogger

In the past couple of weeks, I have done some blogging about blogging (see this , this , this and this.) Here are some further thoughts. Bloggers have obligations to their readers. These obligations fall into a few categories:1. An obligation to be interesting. I don't care how much I agree or disagree with a blogger, if she is interesting she has done her job. I would much rather read an

The First 'Star Wars' Election

Without noticing it, we are witnessing a very disturbing phenomenon.Brand image has always (at least in my lifetime) been a factor in presidential politics. Now it has become the dominant factor.Yesterday, in a very astute article, former Mayor of SF, Willie Brown, pointed out that this is the first election that will be determined by a vice presidential pick.Although they are running for

The Thought Police Are Watching

Freedom of speech is becoming subordinated to the feelings of special interest groups.It is getting harder and harder to express unpopular opinions. This is particularly true of commercial speech.If your message happens to "offend" some vocal special interest group, you are sure to be the target of an effort to silence you (see Super Bowl Vigilantes and Super Bowl Vigilantes Strike Again.)The

How To Remain Positive

- Never go to any website that promises to calculate your cancer risk, retirement needs, or credit rating.- Do not read your kid's Facebook page.- Steer clear of out-of-work copywriters, political party volunteers, anyone whose job requires "funding," periodontists, and people named Bruce or Brian.- Cancel all newspapers.- Don't watch anything on tv that isn't brought to you, in part, by beer,

Stalinist Cult Blogs

While talking about the four types of advertising and marketing blogs yesterday, I mentioned that my least favorite type is what I call the Stalinist Cult blog.These blogs are ostensibly written for the benefit of the reader, but are really written for the enrichment and glorification of the blogger.They are easily identified by reading the 'comments' section. Most comments are from fawning

Blogging About Blogging

Back in the good old days when I was a creative director instead of whatever the hell I am now, I had one hard and fast rule -- no ads about advertising.This week, I'm going to break the spirit of that rule by blogging about blogging.I've been at this blogging thing a little over a year and I have some opinions about advertising and marketing blogs.First of all, there is a hierarchy. It looks

Amazingly, Alarmingly Clueless

When it comes to campaign strategy, the Democrats are amazingly, alarmingly clueless.In the midst of what could turn out to be the worst economy since the depression; in the midst of a hugely unpopular war; against the most unpopular head of state since Louis XVI; with a tremendously attractive and charismatic candidate, the Democrats still have a good chance of blowing the presidential

Not All Blogs Suck

Earlier this week, in Returning My Award, I was unable to come up with 5 bloggers I thought were funny. I still haven't.It got me thinking about the kinds of blogs I read. Frankly, I don't read many advertising or marketing blogs. Mainly they're pedantic, gossipy, or poorly written.The ones I do read generally fall into one of three categories:1. Blogs that I learn from. An example is Seth's

Lock Them In A Closet

Last week I dropped my daughter (The Only Person I Really Like) at college.I highly recommend postponing this activity as long as possible. When you show up on campus, every kid but yours looks like one of the following:a drug addicta date rapista serial killera tattooed maniaca home-schooled, God-bothering zomboida pierced and punctured Starbuckistaan incipient booze hounda laundry-wearing

Returning My Award

This country has a long history of pompous, self-important jerks returning awards.Today, I am proud to join that brotherhood (yeah, yeah, okay, sisterhood, too. I can see this Sarah Palin thing is going to be a real pain in the ass.)Last week I won an award. It was an award for having a funny blog. (Apparently laughs are so hard to come by these days that "annoying" passes for "funny.")It was

Marketing Genius Analyzes The Election

Now that all the presidential and vice presidential candidates are known, it's time to analyze the race.As a certified marketing genius (hey, I have a blog, don't I?) The Ad Contrarian knows that the candidate whose "brand" best "resonates" with "mainstream consumers" is the one who is most likely to attract great numbers of voters and help his/her ticket.So let's have a look at the four