The Cluefree Manifesto

To many web maniacs, a pivotal moment occurred 10 years ago when something called "The Cluetrain Manifesto" was published.

The Cluetrain Manifesto was a foundational document in the "conversationalist" school of marketing. It included "95 Theses" in the style of Martin Luther, meant as a denunciation of contemporary marketing and a clarion call to a new, idealized age of marketing enabled by

Threat Level Purple

Here at TAC global headquarters, we try to stay as far away from politics and world events as possible. But since it's Christmas-New Years week and nobody's reading blogs anyway, what the hell...

The incompetence of our so-called "homeland security" system is breathtaking to behold.

The guy who almost blew up a plane over Detroit last week...
was reported to Nigerian authorities as a possible

How About the "Terrorist Differentness Ecosystem Dashboard?"

Regular readers know I like to divide the people of the ad world into two species: simplifiers and complicators.

This also applies to the non-advertising world.

I evaluate the potential efficacy of social and political activities by whether they are making things more simple or more complicated.  Generally, things that make the world simpler succeed, and things that make the world more

Hack Attack

Someone hacked my blog, posted stuff, erased all comments, and sent emails from my account. If you received anything you weren't expecting from me, delete it.

The Sky Is Falling. This Time We Mean It.

Since the dawn of civilization, it’s been pretty clear that you can make a nice living predicting the end of the world.

While "experts" have been predicting it with great regularity for thousands of years, so far we're still here drinking coffee and reading blogs.

One of the interesting things about this decade has been the impressive increase in the amount of media hysteria and the depressing

The Social Media Contradiction

If you are inclined to believe The World's Most Unscientific Social Media Survey, which we conducted here last week, then there is something very interesting going on.

What's happening is that all the hype about social media is working. 

Social media evangelists have been very successful at convincing marketers that they need to engage in social media despite the fact that those who have been

Decade of the Decade

Good news.

Only 10 more days until all the Bullshit of the Decade stuff goes away.

No more Man of the Decade, or Movie of the Decade, or Agency of the Decade, or Cheesecake of the Decade for another 10 years.

No more App of the Decade, or Spot of the Decade, or Widget of the Decade.

No more Golfer of the Decade, or Song of the Decade, or Woman of the Decade, or Story of the Decade.

All

World's Most Unscientific Social Media Survey

In our continuing efforts to provide our readers with the most up-to-date and technologically advanced opinions masquerading as facts, The Ad Contrarian is happy to announce our end-of-year World's Most Unscientific Social Media Survey.

This year our survey will be on the hottest marketing topic of the year -- social media. Please complete (anonymously) our brief 9 question survey and we'll

Working On A Marriage

So Tiger Woods has given up golf for a while to work on his marriage.

I've always wondered how you work on a marriage.

Do you take it out to the garage and change the spark plugs? Do you bring it down to the basement and sand it? What the hell do you do?

It's been my experience that there are some things that can't be improved by trying to improve them. They can only be improved indirectly.

The Malignant Cumulative Effect of Tiny Misdemeanors

Last week, the 2009 Bully Award for Outstanding Achievement in Advertising and Marketing Bullshit -- the Turd d'Or -- went to the "Breathtaking" Pepsi design document.

It's hard to understand how something like this comes into being, but I think I've figured it out.

I call it "the malignant cumulative effect of tiny misdemeanors."

Baseball provides us a good example. For years baseball

Tail Wagging Dog

Wendy's has been having lots of problems since its founder, Dave Thomas, died several years ago. They've been going through ad agencies faster than Tiger Woods goes through talcum powder.

Recently they had another agency review. If my count is right, that makes about fifty in four years.

It seems these days an agency can't win a new account without presenting a seriously demented social media

The Hypocrisy Machine

All the hand-wringing and hyperventilating about Tiger Woods gives me a big pain in the ass.

The truth is, the media is one big hypocrisy machine. They pretend they're shocked by this. But they know that every male movie star, athlete, politician, singer, tv star and media big shot who can, does.

The difference between Tiger Woods and your personal celebrity hero? Woods got caught.

Here are a

It's Friday. You Deserve A Good Laugh

Thanks to Sharon Krinsky for this.

Awards Of Merit

Earlier this week we awarded the Turd d'Or to the "Breathtaking" Pepsi design document.

In the course of evaluating all the entries for the 2009 Bully Awards there were a number of nominees worthy of merit.  I would like to review a few of them and add some commentary.

"It's About Understanding Conversations" 
This was our runner-up. One of the wonderful things about this entry was how the

The Death Watch Continues

 From TechCrunch, November 2006 "Let's Just Declare TV Dead And Move On"
"...the writing is on the wall...at the end of the day, people want to consume content without the friction of having to sit down in front of a television at an appointed time....People want to see the whole show on YouTube. There is a fundamental shift in consumer behavior going on..."
Here at Ad Contrarian global

Tiger's "Escalade Escapade": It's Our Fault

All bad behavior can be traced to advertising. If we just eliminated advertising there would be no more screwing, no more smoking, no more drinking, no more fat people, no more skinny people...

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, the reason Tiger Woods couldn't keep Little Eldrick in his pants, is because of us:
"The simplest explanation of Tiger Woods' current predicament had nothing to

The 2009 Bully Award Winner Is...

The 2009 Bully Award for Outstanding Achievement in Advertising and Marketing Bullshit -- the Turd d'Or -- goes to the "Breathtaking" Pepsi design document.

Several months ago, when this document became public, I got a nice chuckle out of it, as did many advertising and marketing people.

Recently, in reviewing the nominees for the Bully Awards, I had the opportunity to take a closer look at it

I'm Still Shaking

Last Saturday I was in New York City. I was on the subway, on the "A" train, with my wife. She was exiting at 59th St. and I was continuing uptown.

There was a lunatic in our car belittling people and demanding money. I decided that when my wife exited at 59th, I would exit also and move to the next car. Then I hesitated and chastised myself for being a coward. Finally, I decided to change cars

Delusional Branding Campaigns and Me

Marketing people and companies go on and on about brands. Unfortunately, most have little to no clue about how powerful brands are actually built. They think you do it with "branding" campaigns.

At some point, every too-big company gets the irresistible urge to do one of these branding campaigns.

As far as I’m concerned, this is just fine.

The branding campaign will be a bit of innocuous

10 Ideas For Transforming Advertising

Yesterday, we received the following email from the head of the 4A's.
Are You A Transformer?
Dear Bob,
Like you, I’m tired of hearing from the same industry thought leaders talking about the same so-called thought-leading things at industry conferences. What I really want is to hear from you: If you had just five minutes in front of the entire advertising community, what would you say about

Tabulating The Results

I am happy to report that the preliminary voting for the 2009 Bully Awards for Outstanding Achievement in Advertising and Marketing Bullshit is nearly completed. Here's where the leading candidates stand at this time along with their percentage of the votes.

1. Pepsi "Breathtaking" logo document          38%
2, Understanding conversations                      25%
3. Windows 7 launch party

The Absurdity Of What We Do

This is a true story about the absurdity of advertising.

I was once creative director of an ad agency that had offices with a lovely view of San Francisco Bay.

One of our accounts was a shipping line. The shipping line was doing something amazing with one of its ships and they wanted us to create an ad about it.

They were going to take an enormous cargo ship and lengthen it. First an army of

10 Great, Smelly Candidates

Thanks to everyone who has nominated something for The Bully Awards. We've received lots of glorious, wonderful examples of marketing bullshit (and, honestly, what more could one ask for during the holiday season?)

I've selected 10 good-looking candidates (along with links, where appropriate.) If you'd like, you can vote for your favorite below. But remember, nominations are open until December

How Could They Not Be?

From the post above, item #1 about "Synergy-Related Headcount-Adjustment," we find that the name of the CEO of Nokia Siemens Networks is Simon Beresford-Wylie and the head of human resources is Bosco Novak.

Simon Beresford-Wylie and Bosco Novak.

How could they not be full of shit?

The Social Media Cesspool

It was such a lovely dream.

A transparent medium in which marketers and consumers were on an equal footing. Where consumer decisions would be driven not just by the propaganda that marketers paid the media to broadcast, but by the forthright opinions and experiences of other consumers.

And like most Utopians dreams, it is quickly becoming a nightmare.

Social media marketing is an incipient

Gag Me With A Chopstick

Celebrity culture makes me sick. Businesses, and particularly restaurants, that try to trade on it make me doubly sick.

My family is headed to New York for Thanksgiving. We wanted to have dinner at Tao one night.

I went to their website to make a reservation. Here's what I learned on their home page:
"Tao New York is frequented by celebrities on a regular basis from Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise,

What Reaches 92 Million More People In A Week Than Google Reaches In A Month?

Media knuckleheads, hysterics, and hustlers love to produce junk pieces about the "death" of this and the "end" of that.

On several occasions I have written about the fictional death of television.

Now it's time to pay some attention to another supposedly dead medium -- radio.

The first time radio died was 1952 when Billboard magazine declared, "Radio is dead..with The Lone Ranger and Jack

Is The Great Twitter Scare Waning?

Can it be that The Great Twitter Scare Of '09 is starting to wane? Comscore reports that Twitter usage in the U.S. dropped about 8% in October. That's a lot to drop in one month.

In fact, Twitter usage has dropped in two of the last three months. The only month of the last three in which it grew was September, in which it grew less than 1%. 

Digital Agency Guy Makes Sense

As you all know, I

Announcing The 2009 Bully Awards

The Ad Contrarian is proud announce the first annual Bully Awards for Achievement in Advertising and Marketing Bullshit.

In keeping with modern protocols, your job is to be "engaged" and "interact" with these awards by nominating your favorite piece of marketing or advertising bullshit of the past year.

It can be an article from a publication, a website, a PR release, an ad, a video clip -- any

3 Distinctions That Need To Be Drawn

People with little or no analytical abilities (e.g., account planners, CMOs, and, um, bloggers) often have a difficult time with facts. They frequently confuse things that sound the same but aren't.Here are 3 items that the analytically challenged often are confused about.1. Popularity As Evidence Of EffectivenessWhen you read social media propaganda you often come up against remarkable

Brought To You By Your Central New Mexico Chrysler-Jeep Dealers

Recently, in Creative For Carpetbaggers, I commented on the idiotic ways that big companies moving into new markets always try to associate themselves with the area, and usually get all caught up in their underwear.Today I would like to put another really dumb advertising tradition in the crosshairs -- superficial localization.Let's start at the beginning.The general purpose of advertising is to

Engineered By Illiterates

On the inside back cover of last week's (Nov. 2) New Yorker magazine, there's an ad by Land Rover.The ad is supposed to impress us with the technological wizardry of the new Range Rover.Only problem is, it's hard to convince us that people who can't write properly, can't hire competent proofreaders, and don't know the difference between its and it's can be very advanced at anything.The headline -

"Social Media" vs "I Don't Know": It's A Tie

Earlier this week, in The Enduring Power of Piffle and The Drivel Machine, we took a nice hard swing at the qualitative side of social media i.e., the baloney that social media hustlers are filling gullible marketers full of. Today we take a look at some quantitative data on social media and see what marketers have to say about its effectiveness.As we know, the answer to all problems is social

The Enduring Power Of Piffle

Just when you think the "conversation" crowd can't possibly devise any more preposterous nonsense about their precious conversations, up pops something so ridiculous that it restores your faith in the enduring power of piffle.A new record in jargon-hurling and language-torturing was reached last week when the writer of an Ad Age article entitled "How to Develop the Right Communications Strategy

Things That Go Backwards

Yellow legal pads used to be for people who used lots of paper and didn't want to pay the premium for more refined white paper. Now you pay extra for them.Stinky goat cheese used to be for poor people who couldn't afford the classier cow kind. Now it's a delicacy.It's easier to play the guitar than Guitar Hero.Note To AppleSomeone left me a voice mail at 3:30 yesterday afternoon. It didn't

Creative For Carpetbaggers

One ad phenomenon I always get a laugh out of is when Big Dumb Corporations and their Big Dumb Agencies introduce their product or service into a new market. They always try to link themselves to some stupid cliche about the area to demonstrate that they are "homies."So if some company is moving into LA, they take their icon and put sunglasses on it. Or if they are going into the Pacific

Brains Falling Out

How To Succeed In Social MediaThe smartest thing I've read about social media in a long time, from Monday Morning Memo:"Focus your attention on your customers. Social media will take care of itself."Thanks to Mike Hunt for this (c'mon, is that really your name?)Oh, It's All About Me!Has there ever been a bigger, stupider, more cliche-ridden campaign than Yahoo's new global "branding" campaign?

Free Speech Comes Full Circle

In the early 1960's, Berkeley students created something called the "Free Speech Movement." It incorporated some of the tactics of the civil rights movement of the 50's and helped give birth to the student activism that came to define the era.A significant component of the radical, hippie culture we think of when we see those amusing pictures of the 60's can be attributed to the influence of the

Everybody Lies About Sex

From time to time I reserve the right to abandon the horrors of advertising and write about something else. Today I feel like scribbling on a subject I am supremely unqualified to mouth off about and is likely to cause me nothing but trouble -- sex.The David Letterman and Roman Polanski "scandals" have me thinking about sex.I mean, more than usual.Let's start at the beginning.The beginning is

People Who Are Talented

There is a lovely and comforting school of thought that says each of us is exceptional at something.I may be a good dancer, and you are good at making money. Jack over there is good at basketball, and Susie is a great cook. We each have a high degree of talent at something and the trick is to find what that something is.I have found this to be an innocent and sometimes infantile point of view.It

The Perfect Client Brief

Courtesy of Kirk Citron via Swiss Miss.Perhaps, the perfect client brief.The client: Mick Jagger. The "agency": Andy Warhol

The Handsomest Man In The World

That's me. The handsomest.

What? You don't believe me?

I have affidavits from my mother, my wife, and several of my employees.

I have awards from the American Association of Old Fat Bald Guys.

What? You still don't believe? You think I'm lying?

Okay, maybe I'm not really the handsomest. Maybe I'm just trying to make a point.

The point is this. You would think that one of the first things

Nothing To Sell But Uncertainty

It's embarrassing to be in the ad business these days.Ad agencies don't know what they believe.In reaction to the dual onslaughts of the web and the recession, they have abandoned all principles.They go on and on about "the shifting nature of consumer behavior" and the need to "change the model."Change it to what?What's the role of advertising?Foolish clients can't see through the subterfuge.

Annals Of Marketing

Montblanc, the Swiss penmaker, has introduced a fountain pen to commemorate Mahatma Gandhi.The limited edition pen has an 18-carat solid gold, rhodium plated (whatever the hell that is) nib and is engraved with Gandhi's image.It sells for about $25,000.Montblanc's chief knucklehead in India said that the pen embodies Gandhi's "timeless philosophy of non-violence and respect for all living

Awesome Social Media Guru

Wonderful piece of silly but truthful animation. Thanks to Ad Broad for this.

The Fool

There's no bigger fool than the one who lives only in the present.The one who thinks that what he sees is all there is.The one who doesn't know where the present came from, and concomitantly, has no idea where it's going.The one who can only see what's in front of him and what's coming at him.The great pleasure of knowing something is appreciating where it fits. If you don't, you don't really

A Perfectly Balanced Narcissism

There was a time when a public display of narcissism was available to only the few: the talented, the beautiful, or the wealthy.You couldn't get a book published unless you had something interesting to say. You couldn't get your picture on a screen unless you were stunning to look at. You couldn't force your way into the public consciousness unless you had money to burn.Now, the seductive appeal

Is There Anything Left To Say?

I've been blogging for over two years now and I can't think of one more interesting thing to say about advertising.Since I don't blog about ad news or gossip (of which there is an unlimited supply) there's a finite amount to be said about a subject that ain't all that fascinating to begin with.I think it's best to put a bullet in it before it becomes too stinky.However, I decided that before I do

More Social Media Baloney

Last month, in a post called "Zealots, Maniacs, And Hustlers," I said,..."we've developed a reputation for being anti-digital media and pro-traditional media.We are neither.We have no personal interest in, or allegiance to, any medium.Our only purpose is to fight bullshit, hyperbole and words without meaning. We are against zealots, maniacs and hustlers of any stripe."There is, perhaps, no area

Steroids Are Fine. Salt is Dangerous.

Every now and then, TAC reserves the right to blog about whatever the hell he feels like. Today is one of those days.I had a chance to visit new Yankee Stadium a few weeks ago and here are some thoughts about it.1. It's impressive but not beautiful. Nice wide corridors, grand main plaza, comfortable seats (at least where I was.) But it does not have the beauty of some of the newer parks.2. In

Blogging About Blogging

Back in the Middle Ages, when I was a creative director, I had a few strict rules:No talking animalsNo guys dressed as girlsNo celebrity's mothersNo ads about advertisingToday I'm going to break the spirit of one of those rules and blog about blogging.Here are a few random thoughts on the subject.1. Unpleasantness in advertising is not something new. As long as I've been in the business I've seen

Symptoms May Include

Dry mouthNauseaSudden and inexplicable death Dancing ahead of the beatCalling everyone "Billy"Fond memories of ParisBunting with men in scoring positionAsking your dentist for a dateHankering for kosher picklesNaive faith in golf tipsShaving one side onlyBeing nice to FrenchmenAbility to see magnetic wavesPutting both socks on one footCompulsion to sign non-compete agreementsQuestioning the rules

Things As They Really Are

One of the hardest things for agency people to do is to see things as they really are. Not as they'd like them to be. Not as they've heard they are. Not as they've read they are. Not as their company's philosophy says they are. But as they really are.The terribly difficult part about this is that you have to take yourself out of the equation. You have to understand that you are not typical. That

Warning: Beware Of Math

One of the most interesting aspects of the financial meltdown of the past few years is the role that mathematics played in it.Over several decades, Wall Street developed very sophisticated mathematical models of financial markets. During the 90's they were literally recruiting rocket scientists to work in investment houses.As we now know, everything they were doing turned out to be a bunch of

Clients Ask All The Wrong Questions

The Ad Contrarian will return from vacation Monday. Here's a post from last March.Any agency person who's ever participated in a new business pitch has been asked this question: "What is the process you use to develop advertising ideas?"Any agency person with an ounce of integrity has answered thusly: "Schmuck, there is no process."In other words, no agency person has ever answered that way.There

Branding's Final Absurdity?

The Ad Contrarian is on vacation until Monday. This post appeared in January of 2008.There's very little fun left in the ad business. But one of the big chuckles we still get (secretly) is watching our clients go through crazy "branding" exercises.These con games last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes.Nonetheless

Murder Most Productive

The Ad Contrarian is on vacation this week. Here is a post from January, 2008In Death by Branding TAC asserted that Southwest Airlines was on the way to ruining their brand with "branding."What makes their campaign so awful is that they're trying to convince business travelers that flying Southwest will make us "more productive." Right. That's the big airline issue for me. Not price. Not schedule

Puzzles And Mysteries

The Ad Contrarian is on vacation this week. Today's post is an excerpt from the book The Ad Contrarian (which you can download free here.)An article by Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point, in The New Yorker leads me to believe that advertising people can learn something from spies. Not about stealing other peoples’ ideas, but about solving business problems.Gladwell tells us about a

Advertising Reflects Everything

The Ad Contrarian is on a well-deserved vacation this week. Here is a re-post from last March.Here in the San Francisco area we have something called "casual carpools." During rush hour, people line up, you pick them up in your car, and then you can cross the Bay Bridge in the carpool lane.I once picked up a crazy old lady who thought every license plate had a secret meaning. The whole trip she

Conversation With A CEO

CEO: Okay, why did you drag me down here?TAC: I heard you're not happy with your advertising and I want to talk to you about it.CEO: Advertising? I have important work to do...TAC: Advertising is important. It's your public personality. What's more important than that?CEO: Okay, maybe it's important...but I have a whole department...TAC: Yeah, that's the problem.CEO: Do you mean these people

A Humble Suggestion To Improve The Economy

I have an idea. It's not a big idea, it's a small one. But in these times, with deficits running into the zillions, I think every little bit helps.Here's my suggestion. I think we should use our laws for two years.This way, every other year we can send all the federal, state, and municipal lawmakers home and let them get back to annoying their families, instead of us.This will save us a lot of

Something Nice Happened

A very gratifying thing happened this week.We've been in New York producing music for a new campaign (yes, once in a while they still let me near advertising) and someone said something that brightened my day.As regular readers know, we have a few principles about advertising called "Performance-Based Advertising" (shameless self-promotion alert: more about it available free here.)The foundation

The Laziness Of Global Advertisers, Part 2

Yesterday we began a series called "The Laziness Of Global Advertisers." I wrote it as a 3-part series, but I condensed the final two parts into this one.Here's a good laugh from The Wall Street Journal:"For a global marketer...There is a whole infrastructure that you need to adapt and change ads (emphasis mine - TAC) so you can successfully market around the world," says Robert LePlae, president

The Laziness of Global Advertisers, Part 1

Today we start a 3-part series called "The Laziness of Global Advertisers."

Democracy is messy. It requires compromise. It allows for dissent. It takes time to get things done.

Nonetheless, it seems to be the best form of governance we've been able to devise.

Dictatorship is not not messy. Things can happen quickly. You don't need discussions. You don't have to pay attention to annoying

Friday On My Mind

Tweets From HellI know that one of the reasons you read this blog is that I'm always honest with you. Well, I have something to say kids, please sit down.I'm afraid that most of the entries in Wednesday's Dead Twitterers Contest were pretty freaking lousy. There I said it and I'm not sorry. My advice -- don't die. And if you do, don't Twitter.Nonetheless, I was able to pick 5 finalists (make that

Only In California, Part 3

California leads the way again with a groundbreaking economic recovery plan.Anyone need a CMO?

The Dead Twitterers Contest

Here at Ad Contrarian Global Headquarters, we're always looking for ways to make your life better.Today, we're even going to make your death better.How? By telling you how you can Twitter after you're dead! How awesome is that?You see, there's a website called Tweet Later where you can write tweets and schedule them to publish any time you want. So if you know when you're going to die, you can

Why Can't Marketers Talk Straight?

I sometimes play a game. As I'm walking down a street, I look at how people are dressed and divide them into two categories: those who are trying to stand out, and those who are trying to fit in.

I do a similar thing when I interview people. I listen to their language and analyze whether they are trying to cloud or clarify.

One way we can tell that the marketing and advertising industries are

Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

One of the very charming aspects of Web Maniac Disease (WMD) is the callow belief in the virtue of all things digital.For a wonderfully annoying look into the mind of a WMD sufferer, I wholeheartedly recommend The 95 Theses of The Cluetrain Manifesto, one of the foundational documents of the "conversationalist" school of web zealotry.Here are a few points from that document.8. In both

Pepsi Update

On Wednesday, in Championship Brand Tinkering, I said..."It seems like the brand babblers have taken over at Pepsi, and they are screwing it up royally.It will take a while (like it does in all big organizations) for someone with a brain to realize what's been going on."Well, apparently I was wrong. It only took two days. Adweek just reported that Pepsi North America CMO has resigned.

Bride of Friday Follies

Assertions Without FactsThe latest batch of web nonsense comes to us from an Ad Age piece entitled "Advertising Will Change Forever." (I guess "The Web Has Changed Everything" is now such a cliche, even the jargonistas won't use it anymore.)You gotta say something for these people, they've got balls. Here's what the writer says:"In this recession, marketers have learned that interactive

What Exactly Is Creativity?

Two weeks ago I posted, "What Is Good Creative And How Do I Get It?" Since then, I've been thinking a lot about creativity.Specifically, I've been thinking about "the creative mind" and whether it is truly different from the average mind. I think it is.When I say "the creative mind," I'm not speaking solely about art or writing or music. Creativity can appear in all kinds of disciplines:

Championship Brand Tinkering

There are many flavors of baloney floating around the ad world these days. There's "digital" baloney, there's "conversation" and "engagement" baloney, but the biggest, most pervasive, and most dangerous form of baloney is still "branding" baloney.In a post called "Brand Tinkering" I said,...tinkering with the brand is way more fun than solving real business problems.Solving problems requires

Zealots, Maniacs and Hustlers

Here at The Ad Contrarian global headquarters, we've developed a reputation for being anti-digital media and pro-traditional media.We are neither.We have no personal interest in, or allegiance to, any medium.Our only purpose is to fight bullshit, hyperbole and words without meaning. We are against zealots, maniacs and hustlers of any stripe.Yes, we are vociferous in denouncing people who tell us

Why Everything Sucks

He's right -- it's all our fault.Thanks to Jason Headley for this.

More Friday Follies

RIP GidgetAccording to PeoplePets, Gidget, the chihuahua that was the face of Taco Bell for a few years in the late 1990's has died.Gidget was the subject of lots of controversy within the ad community. She also pissed off a whole lot of Hispanic people who saw her as an unflattering stereotype.In 2003, Taco Bell had to pay out over $40 million to two guys who claimed Taco Bell had stolen the

It's The Ads, Stupid

Last week, in a post called "What Is Good Creative And How Do I Get It" we saidCreativity is what happens after the strategy is done. Creativity is the process that transforms a strategy into a terrific ad. A great example is the Dos Equis campaign, "The Most Interesting Man In The World." According to Ad Age, for the first half of this year, Dos Equis sales grew 17%, while the category (

Two Years Later

This is the second anniversary of The Ad Contrarian.I started this blog with three goals in mind.1. Shoot my mouth off2. Expose bullshit and challenge hypocrisy3. Harness my insomniaI don't know if I've accomplished anything, but at least I have something to do at 3 am.I have noticed that some fairly popular ad blogs have packed it in this year, including Scamp and Dear Jane Sample. I can see why

Disgracing The King

Earlier this week we went to see the King Tut exhibit at the De Young Museum in San Francisco.It was a disgrace.I'm not a purist. For a time, I was special assistant to the executive director of a large museum. I understand that museums need to make money. But this was shameful.Although we had tickets for a specific time, we had to wait in two long, annoying lines. When we finally got into the

Your Vote Counts!

Last week, we learned that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) believes we would all start treating fish more kindly if, instead of calling them "fish," we started calling them "sea kittens."To be honest, I have very little personal contact with fish other than every now and then taking pieces of dead ones and sticking them in a taco.Nonetheless, this is apparently a serious issue

Only In California

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) thinks we would treat fish more kindly if instead of calling them "fish" we started calling them "sea kittens." This is not a joke.Because of the budget deficit in California the state is planning to close a bunch of state parks including one called Pescadero State Beach. Pescadero means "place to go fishing."PETA have offered to pay to keep the

Nasty Little Things Called Facts

(Last week we had a very spirited debate over whether the internet has "changed everything, utterly" as one of my commenters claimed. Obviously, he can't have meant what he said literally. Presumably he still brushes his teeth -- let's hope that hasn't "changed, utterly." I assume what web zealots mean when they make overblown statements like the above is that the web has changed 'everything

"What Is Good Creative And How Do I Get It?"

(I was rummaging through my laptop the other day and I found a talk I gave to a group of ad agency owners a few years ago on the subject of creativity. I have done a tiny bit of editing to get it up to date. Other than that, it remains as it was.)The subject matter of my talk this morning is "What is good creative and how do I get it?"My intent is to take us through a course of logic in the hope

Bozos de Zappos

If you're an agency person, I highly recommend reading "Is 30 Minutes Too Much To Ask?" by Mike Wolfsohn, ECD at Ignited.The piece is about Ignited's experience pitching Zappos (the darling of the Twitter crowd.)As Mike says, "Like more than 80 other shops around the country, we were lured by the Zappos cattle call."Without stealing Mike's thunder, here are some highlights from the piece:Ignited

Extremely Good At Something Specific

An interesting piece appeared in Adweek last week entitled, "In The Shadow of the Founders."The thrust of the piece is that it is often difficult for agencies to survive the exit of a charismatic founder.The piece spotlights the troubles that have dogged agencies like Riney, Fallon, and Cliff Freeman as the founders have either left or taken reduced roles.Of course, it is true that the exit of a

Friday Follies

Best price ad of the week. Here.3 Lousy Things About Getting Old1. Your skin becomes a garden of biological oddities.2. Pretending you're interested is harder than ever.3. Even people you like are annoying.And Speaking Of Growing Old Gracelessly...88-year-old legendary adman Julian Koenig can't let go of his feud with his former partner and legendary egomaniac George Lois. Listen to Koenig's

A Skeptic's Guide To Twitter

I've been a pretty vocal critic of Twitter.Nonetheless, I have given it a chance. I've been on it for about 8 weeks now, and I'm ready to issue my final report.It's a mixed bag.1. I stand by my initial evaluation that, for the most part, it's how the narcissistic keep in touch with the feckless. This opinion has only been reinforced by the growth of celebrity Twittering and the phony sense of "

Like We Said...

On July 3, in a post called "Iran: Twitter's Blair Witch?" we wrote,"Tyrants don't get to power by being stupid....Technology isn't only effective at spreading information. It's also pretty good at suppressing it."Twenty-four hours later a "denial of service attack" began on US government and South Korean government websites. The suspected perpetrator: North Korea.

Plastic Surgery For Business

Several years ago I was in Los Angeles casting for a tv campaign. Before the casting session began I was thumbing through the head sheets and saw that an actress who had had a starring role in a very popular sitcom was coming in on the call.The sitcom had been canceled at least 10 years earlier, but in the head shot she looked exactly as she had on the show. Although I knew she had to be close to

When Bad Trends Collide

This is a particularly dangerous time for marketers.There are two bad trends converging on the marketing world. The multiplier effect of both together is more dangerous than the sum of the two.First is a bad economy. Very few are immune to its effects.The second is a new, unproven theory of marketing that is being accepted as fact by a gullible, frightened marketing community.Take a company that

Conversation With A Web Maniac

This past weekend I had a web conversation with a guy named Felix Velarde who runs a company called Underwired in the UK. The conversation was conducted via comments on a blog post of mine from April entitled "The Thing That Will Change Everything."Dave Trott, one of the UK's most respected admen, sent Felix over to TAC to read the post knowing Felix would disapprove. Here's the conversation

Iran: Twitter's "Blair Witch?"

In 1999, a cheaply made, independent horror movie became a huge hit. The Blair Witch Project, which was filmed for a reported $35,000, earned about $250 million worldwide.One of the reasons for its remarkable success was the brilliant use of the internet to promote the movie.As usual, the idiots in the media and in the marketing world, mistook a one-off phenomenon for a "thing that would change

3 Words That Should Scare Every Client

If John Wanamaker were alive today, he might re-state his famous maxim:"I know half of what my agency tells me is bullshit, I just don't know which half."If you're feeling that way, here's a tip.Anytime someone at the agency starts a presentation with the words "Consumers told us..." that's a good time to get out the boots and shovels.You see, the key to success in the ad business for the past

Emotional Connections vs Logical Connections

On many occasions I have poked fun at "branding", "brand babble" and their many incompetent practitioners. And while that is great fun, there are some serious points to be made.There are a few product categories that are highly reliant on brand perceptions. These tend to be categories in which the products are essentially frivolous commodities - soda, cigarets, beer/booze, fashion.These products

Visiting The Land Of Make-Believe

Today, once again, we visit the land of make-believe.It's a land that is inhabited by a new species of human being. These new humans are very young and they're very different from us.They don't use or believe traditional media. They don't like to be marketed to.They get their information online -- where they develop brand relationships and have conversations with and about brands.They hate

Congratulations, Mr. President

Congratulations President Obama on winning the coveted Titanium Prize for your presidential advertising at the Cannes Advertising Festival. I'm sure it must be one of your proudest moments.Also congratulations are in order for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who won the Uranium Prize, and Kim Jong Il who won the Plutonium Prize.This Could Happen To You!Just in case you ever get the urge to to pontificate

Disintermediating The Extraterrestrials

Apparently, there aren't enough annoying opinions about advertising. Now we have politicians weighing in.Big Al Gore took some time off from saving the universe a few weeks ago to help us save the ad industry.Al explained that the future of advertising is -- take a deep breath -- VCAMs: Viewer Created Ad Messages.Al, who is co-founder of Current TV (a cable network that relies heavily on viewer

Take The "ARE YOU FACEBOOK-DUMB OR TWITTER-DUMB?" Quiz

Which kind of dumb are you?Here at TAC global headquarters, we have divided the world into two kinds of people -- those who are "Facebook-dumb," and those who are "Twitter-dumb."Facebook-dumb people think the world is interested in their pathetic lives. Twitter-dumb people think the world is interested in their idiotic

Someone Please Explain

I rarely criticize other agency's work. It's too easy to be a creative genius/cheap shot artist when you don't have to deal with the problems or the clients.But I have to say, Wendy's recent campaign has me completely baffled. "It's waaaay better than fast food.(R) It's Wendy's."Here's why I'm confused:Everyone in the world, except apparently Wendy's, knows that it is fast food.The 30% of the

Robbie And Ruthie Talk About Pickles

The phone rings:ROBBIE: Hello.

RUTHIE: Robert, it's your Aunt Ruthie.

ROBBIE: Hi Ruthie.

RUTHIE: Hello, darling.

ROBBIE: What's up?

RUTHIE: I'm calling to ask a favor.

ROBBIE: Sure.

RUTHIE: My pickles are selling very well, and Big Save says they'll put them in their supermarkets all across the country, but I have to do some advertising. So I thought as long as my nephew is a big

Please, God, Not Again

From The New York Times, advertising column last Wednesday:The growing prominence of the ’60s is partly a result of the election of Barack Obama, whose paeans to hope and youthful followers bring to mind the idealism associated with the ’60s.The decade “evokes a time when young people were seeking to change society,” said Tim Ellis, vice president for marketing at Volkswagen of America in

Sure To Fail

TAC is on vacation. This post originally appeared on May 30, 2008According to The New York Times, diving into the pool of idiotic online ideas this week is Coors Light. They are launching a "Code Blue" social media application on Facebook.“We talk a lot internally about ‘360-ing’ our innovations,” said Andy England, chief marketing officer at Coors Brewing...Wow. 360-ing the innovations!And what

The Real Poop On Marketing

TAC is on vacation. This post originally appeared on April 15, 2008A recent blog by AdBroad got me thinking that we may be flushing millions of dollars right down the old crapper.It turns out that in marketing today, poop is some valuable shit.A big-time Manhattan spa is offering a Japanese-style "Geisha Facial" which features all the goodness of real bird droppings.Peter Jones, an upscale

The Justification Business

TAC is on vacation. This post originally appeared on March 27, 2008.Creating advertising today consists of two very different disciplines: Making ads, and making the justification for ads.The way ad agencies work (especially, but not exclusively, the big ones) is that most of the effort is spent making the justification for the ads: research, planning, brand analysis, meetings, presentations,

Twitter Saves The World

First, the obvious.Twitterers in Iran have been sending us some pretty amazing stuff about what's going on there. This is the kind of unfiltered, real time, first-hand citizen reportage that is compelling in a way that traditional news sources rarely are. It was impossible before the internet.Now the gripe.The way some twitter maniacs are using this as a kind of justification for the idiotic

Cookie Monstrosity

TAC is on vacation. This post originally appeared on November 27, 2007One thing you can say about the internet with absolute certainty -- there has never been another invention that has spawned more idiotic ideas.The latest comes from Pepperidge Farm. From some retro universe they have launched a campaign called Connecting Through Cookies (I kid you not.) The centerpiece is a website called The

Account Planners Gone Wild

TAC is off the grid for a week. To keep the blog-addicted entertained, I will be re-posting some oldies but goodies. This post originally appeared on September 17, 2007The same day I posted "Smelly Volvo Families" an article appeared in Ad Age about the new Volvo campaign.The article focused on how Volvo's agency developed the idea for its new campaign. According to the article, the agency

The Revolution That Never Happened

If you're a frequent reader of this blog you know that one of our ongoing themes is that marketers and advertisers always overestimate the appeal of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior.This is one of the reasons there is always so much hyperventilating about every new thing that comes along.A very good example of this is TiVo.TiVo looked like a slam-dunk from

What They Say and What They Mean

As everyone in advertising knows, there are two kinds of clients.The first kind is the good kind. They speak in plain English and give simple, clear direction.Then there is the second kind. They're watching a channel we don't get. They speak a language we don't understand.It sounds and looks like English but it's not. It has vowels and consonants just like English, but somehow they don't work the

I Don't Have To If I Don't Want To

Giving a talk today to a group of broadcast execs in a fancy ballroom, and all I can think about is going on vacation Friday, and I have a headache, and I have acid reflux, and the A's are losing 10-0, and I have not been able to hit the greens consistently with my approach shots, and I think my good blazer is in the cleaners, and the world just isn't fair, and I can't find the goddamn remote,

5 Fashionable Myths About Advertising

There is so much nonsense about advertising being promulgated these days that it's hard to keep your head on straight. Here are five fashionable myths that need debunking:1. Consumer Behavior Is Difficult To UnderstandMarketers spend enormous amounts of time and money looking for arcane reasons behind consumer behavior. In fact, about 90% of consumer behavior is perfectly obvious. They buy stuff

The Twitter Quiz

Now that Twitter has officially changed the world as we know it (see Time cover) it's time to see how much you know about Twitter.A revealing study of Twitter users was published last week by Harvard Business Publishing. Before I give you the link, take this little quiz derived from the study and see how you do.1. Among Twitter users, the median number of lifetime tweets per user is:a. 1b. 55c.

Flop Sweat

There's a wonderful term that comics use to describe their physical reaction when they're bombing -- flop sweat.Everyone in advertising who has to make presentations to large groups -- especially creative presentations -- knows the feeling.You're standing up there. You've rehearsed your presentation. You've prepared a few gags. You're going through it just like you imagined. And you're getting

Knuckleheads And Geniuses

One of the good things about working in advertising is that we touch lots of different kinds of businesses. If you have a curious mind, you are in a position to be constantly stimulated.In my current capacity I have to know something about the automobile business, the restaurant business, insurance, wine, beer, spirits, travel, golf, dairy, energy, and finance. And I have to know enough about

The Volume Knob And The Tone Knob

Let's say for a minute that social media maniacs really believe all the noise they make about consumers wanting to have relationships with brands, and conversations about them.Let's also say that all these wonderful relationships and conversations are happening online, like the maniacs say.Now let's have a listen to The Grumpy Brit..."If I think about brands with which, for the sake of argument

Whiners Never Quit

This is a warning. I'm going to do some major whining today. If you don't like to listen to overfed ad brats whine, I don't blame you. Now would be a good time to abort.One of the characteristics of blogging that makes it different from most other forms of writing is that you get almost instantaneous feedback.Each night, I post the next day's blog at midnight PDT. I wake up each morning at about

Eye Rolls And 'Yes, Buts'

I keep reading in the trades that the ad industry has been slow to adapt to the digital world and if we're not careful we'll be left behind.My experience has been different.My experience is that very often when we recommend digital solutions to sophisticated clients we get eye rolls and polite 'yes, buts.'My theory is that because I'm located in San Francisco, where digital is not such a shiny

It's A Wonderful World

"Advertising is a failure. When you don't have that good relationship, then you have to advertise..."Did you know that Coca-Cola is failing? And Apple is failing and McDonald's is failing and Proctor and Gamble is failing?

You didn't know that? Where have you been?

It's obvious. They have to advertise. Advertising is what you have to do when you're failing.

This is because the internet has

Honor Roll

I don't have a blog roll. Something about them creeps me out (although if you have a blog roll with TAC on it, there is absolutely nothing creepy about that.)So every few months or so I like to acknowledge the brilliant and charming bloggers who have mentioned or linked to TAC in their blogs.The TAC Honor Roll for April and May:AdChick; AdClubReject; The Ad-Pit; AdPulp; Advance; Amarach Research

Advertising Science Fair Winners

A few weeks ago we announced "The First Ever Online Advertising Science Fair."We said: The Editorial Board of The Ad Contrarian is looking for a few good facts. Not opinions, not bullshit, facts about contemporary advertising and marketing that are either interesting, not widely known, or misunderstood.We invited our readers to submit entries and we have selected four winners:First is Matt Sadler

Blue Suede Shoes

Every now and then The Ad Contrarian reserves the right to abandon the horrors of advertising and write about whatever the hell he feels like. Today it's music.I was listening to some early rock music the other day.While I'm no musicologist, it seems pretty obvious to me that rock music was built on a three-legged stool:Blues: Southern rural black musicR & B: Northern urban black musicRockabilly

Why They Think We're Idiots

If you've been in business for a while, you've probably noticed that a lot of people in finance, operations, production, and engineering think that we in marketing and advertising are one small step above reptiles.They smile condescendingly when we talk. They give each other "the look" when we haul out our patter. They speak to us as if we're mildly retarded 8-year-olds.Unfortunately, they have

The Most Powerful Force In Marketing

Think of all the amazing new products that have been introduced in the past few years.In the digital realm alone, there have been thousands of them. Every day I stumble on new offerings on the web that I had no idea existed, and that amaze me with their utility and creativity.The startling fact, however, is how few of them become successful businesses.The reason so many new products and new ideas

The Power Of Social Media

According to the New York Times, Starbuck's has......"1.5 million fans on Facebook and 183,000 followers on Twitter. On the Saturday before the presidential election, Starbucks sponsored a single 60-second television commercial on “Saturday Night Live” advertising a coffee giveaway on Election Day. Starbucks then posted the video online. By Tuesday, it was the fourth-most-viewed video on YouTube,

A Rare Pleasure

It's a rare pleasure these days to find an expert on digital media who has perspective and is not a web maniac or a zealot. It's an even greater pleasure when he has nice things to say about this blog.If you have a chance, take a click over to Adam Cahill's post today at ClickZ.

8 Recent Observations About Twitter

I've been on Twitter for a little over a week now and I have some early observations.1. Twitter is a much more civilized place than the rest of the web. There is far less hostility and anger. Maybe we should restrict all human communication to 140 characters.2. Twitter needs a "hide" function. There are some people you may be following who are way too prolific or way too dull and it would be

Maybe I'm Not So Stupid

Here's a report that confirms everything I've been saying about social media.

Why Is Twitter Free?

I was once trying to sell my house, but decided to take it off the market. My neighbor, who was a real estate agent, asked me why. I told him there were no buyers.He laughed and called me an idiot.Then he asked about the price. I said $400,000. He said, if you were asking 5 bucks do you think you could sell it? I said, of course. Then the problem, he said, is not that there are no buyers, the

Advertising Today: A Parody Of Itself

A few days ago, college teacher and fellow blogger Christopher (Kit) Simpson sent me a satirical piece he had written about something he made up called "the brand footprint."The "brand footprint" was a concoction of marketing gibberish and double-talk Christopher invented to parody all the insufferable branding bullshit we have to contend with every day from phonies who can't think straight or

"Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Plagiarism"

Here at Ad Contrarian global headquarters, our editorial board is delighted when other bloggers quote us, link to us, or reference us.However, believe it or not, we work hard on this blog and don’t take kindly to it when people steal our stuff.In October of 2008, a post appeared here called “Top 10 Bullshit Professions”. It was a semi-hilarious romp through the world of dubious occupations. It

Looking For Volunteers

Advertising is a minor annoyance, at best.Traditional advertising causes forced exposure – if you’re going to watch Monday Night Football you have to see my beer spot whether you want to or not.Web advertisers have tried the forced exposure model (banners and display ads) with very limited success.Because forced exposure on the web has not been terribly successful, the advertising community is

Leveraging The Brand

Now that The Ad Contrarian is a huge brand (yes, we spent almost a full day on the AdAge Power 150 just last week. Unfortunately, since then we've been dropping like a dead rat who swallowed a bowling ball) the board of directors here at Ad Contrarian global headquarters is convinced we need to monetize our brand.We've got the TAC book and the TAC blog (together they have earned us a nifty little

They're Old. They're Dead. They're Back.

In October of 2008, in a post called "The Web: TV With Its Hat On Backwards" about making the web a more effective advertising medium, I said:"I'm starting to get the feeling that the web's killer app is television."Well, it's not that far-fetched.According to an article in MediaWeek, called "Web to Soon See :30s","David Payne wants to radically alter what online ads look like...And guess what

Bigger And Badder

As I've said here previously, the agency business is comprised of two primary elements: ads and bullshit.Pretty much everything we do that is not related to the creation or distribution of ads is bullshit.There are many reasons why the globalization of the agency business is a bad thing. But worst of all is that the bullshit component, which was always secondary, has now achieved primacy.Anyone

Even Online Brands Prefer TV

Could it be that the press and ad agencies and consultants are all besotted with online advertising, but people whose businesses live or die on the effectiveness of their advertising are putting their chips on a different number?And could it also be that even online marketers are losing confidence in online advertising?It seems that way. Apparently some online marketers have eschewed online

The Advertising-Swine Flu Connection

The idiocy of the past 10 days over swine flu is not an isolated episode.We are living in an era of hysteria -- health hysteria (swine flu, SARS, mad cow); political hysteria (terrorists, Wall Street); and, yes, advertising industry hysteria.The hysteria is fueled by frenzied media agitation, promiscuous experts, and a gullible audience.The common denominator is absence of perspective.The ad

Hey, It Could Happen

The World Health Organization said today that 2 billion people could get the swine flu.Here are some other things that could happen:Chickens could learn how to yodelCool Ranch Doritos could be dried-up aliens from another galaxyWolf Blitzer could dance the tango nakedAutomobiles could run on pretzelsThe World Health Organization could be clueless hysterical bureaucrats who don't know when to shut

Too Big For Our Own Good

Here at The Ad Contrarian global headquarters, we don't know what to make of this.Yesterday we were ranked #145 in the Ad Age Power 150 marketing blogs listings. We're used to hovering around #637 or something.Part of the fun of being a contrarian is being on the outside and throwing rocks through the window. But when you're in the "Power 150" do you lose your outsider status? Do you compromise

Announcing The First Ever Online Advertising Science Fair

Are you sick to death of bullshit masquerading as facts?Are you tired of smarmy-young-things and their bounty of hyperbolic new-age marketing jive?Then you, my friend, are ready for First Ever Online Advertising Science Fair.Here's the deal.The Editorial Board of The Ad Contrarian is looking for a few good facts. Not opinions, not bullshit, facts about contemporary advertising and marketing that

Didn't Take Long

Yesterday I wrote about 3 lines of nonsense we would hear this week from people trying to cover the asses over the imaginary swine flu "crisis." The first was this:"Now is not the time to get complacent." Sure enough, from the AP:"Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told reporters Monday that now is not the time to rest..."

You Just Don't Get It, Do You?

From TVWeek:"Although research shows viewers are spending more time watching TV and surfing the Web, many marketers are reluctant to integrate their traditional and online efforts. Clients often don't fully understand the digital world..."Let's clear something up here.Simply because a client is reluctant to do an online campaign doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't "fully understand the digital

Clueless And Cluelesser

Last week, 800 people worldwide caught a cold and you'd have thought the freaking bubonic plague was sweeping the planet.The brilliant and sensible readers of TAC, however, called bullshit on the lurid coverage of swine flu right at the beginning of all the hysteria.This week look for the media to start covering their asses. There will be three major lines of nonsense:1. "Now is not the time to

Hysteria Update

World Health Organization, yesterday: "All of humanity under threat."LA Times, yesterday: "In fact, the current outbreak of the H1N1 virus...may not even do as much damage as the run-of-the-mill flu outbreaks that occur each winter without much fanfare."Huh?:"Authorities in Mexico urged people to avoid hospitals unless they had a medical emergency, since hospitals are centers of infection." Huh?

Legends And Rituals

From The New York Times about a week ago:"According to a study... boomer households account for unexpectedly high percentages of sales of products considered mainstays of younger consumers. That includes beer, 59.7 percent; carbonated beverages, 58.9 percent; and candy, 54.2 percent..." To the enlightened readers of The Ad Contrarian, this should not be surprising. On many occasions we pests here

Death Fatigue

Despite all the lurid headlines, pardon me if I don't get too hysterical over swine flu.You see, I'm living on borrowed time. I'm playing with house money.By now, I should have been long dead from SARS, or bird flu, or mad cow disease, or ebola virus, or Legionaire's disease. You remember those, don't you? They were the other "pandemics" that were going to kill us all.They didn't actually do the

Advertising And The Universe

As regular readers of this blog know, I'm a former science teacher.The downside of that for you is that every now and then I have to sneak in a little science lesson.Today we're going to talk about the universe.You know that stuff you learned in school about how everything is made of atoms, and atoms are made of neutrons and protons and electrons, and there are four types of forces, including

Play It Loud

Stop what you're doing and watch this.

Yesterday's News Today

Here at The Ad Contrarian, we try very hard to stay at least a year behind the times.We do this to gain some perspective and avoid looking like the fools who 9 months ago assured us that Facebook apps were the new greatest thing ever, and widgets would change the world.Today, we are going to talk about the news, and why it's so much more beneficial to read last year's newspaper than today's.You

Brand New Look. Same Old Bullshit.

Here at The Ad Contrarian world headquarters, we've been getting mighty tired of looking at the same old ugly layout every day.So we told a team of designers to work on a bold, daring new look.Unfortunately, all they could come up with was this.Whether you're a fan of the old look or the new one, one thing we'll never compromise is our longstanding dedication to bringing you the best

Across The Twitterverse

I checked today to find out what's being said about this blog in the merry old land of Twitter. Here's a sampling:"Ad Contrarian = occasional smart thinking awash with a hatred for the universe." Not true. It's only the inhabitants of one little planet I don't particularly care for. The rest of the universe is awesome."Love the Ad Contrarian even though he hates everything I love.""The only

Fish Still Can't See Ocean

One of the unpleasant parts of blogging is the number of comments you get from abusive imbeciles.I guess it's to be expected, but when you see it, it's still unsettling.There's a whole hoo-hah going on at some of the ad blogs lately over the viciousness of commenters, particularly anonymous ones. For some background, check out this from Alan Wolk guest blogging at Agency Spy.I don't have the

I Was Hoping For A Centerfold

Yesterday, the great David Burn of AdPulp posted an interview with your charming host. That's me, by the way. Here it is.

Dracula Visits The Blood Bank

Earlier this week I was invited to a conference to participate in a panel about social media. Bad casting, or what?The good news is that the panelists were all smart and articulate and we kept the digi-babble to a minimum.Panelists were all bloggers -- John January of American Copywriter, Kristin Gissaro of TalentMash, Jason Falls of Social Media Explorer, and Andy Gould of Small Agency Diary,

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

1. The hotter the climate, the colder the conference room.2. The smaller the account, the larger the committee.3. The dumbest person in your agency will someday be your client.4. The consumer has become resistant to marketing, right? Bullshit. Here’s what the consumer has become resistant to: generic, undifferentiated products supported by smug, benefit-free advertising.5. Retailers have learned

A Dead Kind of Car Company. A Dead Kind of Car.

Advertising that is really good gives you a reason to prefer a product when there is no reason.That's what Hal Riney did with Saturn.He took a mediocre vehicle from a sclerotic manufacturer, and brilliantly turned it into a desirable quantity. He did it with his unique blend of plain-talk, humor, beauty, and bullshit.At one point Saturn had owners from all over the country driving to Spring Hill

It's Vegas, Baby, And Your Nose Knows

I've spent the last few days at a business meeting in my least favorite place on Earth -- Las Vegas. Some observations:Those who think advertising is dead should come here and see the future. Every square inch is covered in promotional material.The average tourist in Las Vegas is a 60-year-old woman, 30 pounds overweight, wearing a tank top.Las Vegas has a bad version of every good restaurant in

Someone's Gotta Do It

Lately this blog has managed to piss off just about everyone.It pissed off account managers with this:"I learned very early that my interpretation of the meeting was usually better than what was written up in the notes and the brief."It pissed off creatives with this:"Does this mean it’s impossible to create advertising that rises to the level of art? No. Every generation has a few people who

Ad Awards Are A Good Thing

I've been listening to all the arguments for and against advertising awards for a hundred years. Count my vote as a yes.Here's why. Creative people get surprisingly little satisfaction from their work. If they can get some from an award, it's a good thing.Nobody who has not worked in a creative department understands how hard it is or how much it takes out of you. No matter how good the final

I Never Argue With Graphs

"Ad Contrarian," people often say to me, "how come you're always so relaxed and nonchalant while the rest of us are so aggravated?"

I say, "Sit down my friend and let's talk." Then I light my pipe, kick off my slippers, and lean back in my rocker.

"We humans have been around this sorry planet for about 200,000 years. The planet has been around for 4.5 billion years. So what measure of the

Some Thoughts For Freelancers

At one point in my career I spent three years freelancing.In lousy economic times you'd think freelancers would do well. Agencies can hire them on a part time basis and save the added costs of full-time employees. (Health insurance, unemployment insurance, and other benefits can cost add up to 35% more for a full-time employee.)Nonetheless, in bad economies, freelancers do lousy.Freelancers have

The Emperor's New Podcast

You remember podcasting don't you?It was the first of the over-hyped social media genres. Turned out to be just one more marketing thing that was going to change everything. Closely followed by Second Life and MySpace and Facebook.Here's the thing about social media -- it's all just electronic pen pals. Have you ever thought of pen pals as a promising advertising medium? As a marketing

The Thing That Will Change Everything

Marketing and advertising people always overestimate the impact of new things and always underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior.Memorize that sentence.My first experience with this phenomenon came with the advent of cable TV. When it was first introduced there was a flood of hysteria in the ad world about how cable would "change everything." Clients were going around to

I'm Tired Of Strategists

I'm sick and tired of strategists.Can you please send me some people who can do shit, not talk about it.Da Vinci didn't need a strategist. Neither did Newton. Or Einstein. Or Gershwin. Or Hitchcock. Or Riney, for that matter.They just did brilliant things. They didn't need people chattering at them about what they should do or how they should do it. They just did it.I'm tired of business

Opening Day

The economy is in the toilet. The ad industry is a disaster. Asteroids are heading toward Earth. Web pornography is warping the minds of our children. Grown men and women are relentlessly Tweeting each other.Yes, my friend, the end is near.But who gives a shit?It's Opening Day. I'm going to have a hot dog and a beer. I'm going to sit in the sunshine till the back of my neck is red and raw and my

Randomonium

I was raised in New York City where people are annoying but tough. Now I live in California where people are pleasant but insane.OK, Maybe TV Is Dead The New York Times reported yesterday that The Guiding Light has been canceled by CBS. The Guiding Light has been running continuously for 72 years. It started in 1937 on NBC radio and then moved to CBS TV in 1952.The Tree Is Proud Of The Applehey

Report: Everything Officially Dead Except The Web

NEW YORK -- Officials at the Online Institute of Life and Death reported today that everything except the internet is now officially dead. The Institute released a partial list of dead things:Television is deadNewspapers are deadAdvertising is deadMagazines are deadGod is deadPaul is deadHidden Valley Fiesta Ranch Dip Mix is deadGrateful is deadDeath itself is deadEverything else is deadTo make

Why There Are So Many Stinky Ads

You're not going to get into too many fights if you contend that most of the ads we have to endure are pretty stinky.Just about every ad looks like something you've seen before, sounds like something you've heard before, or smells like something you've done before.There are a whole lot of theories about why this is so. Most of them center around the unwillingness of agencies or clients to take

Challenge The Bastards

It's time for all you spineless ad ferrets to get up off your asses and defend yourselves.Yesterday we talked about a new study that laid bare as a fraud the ubiquitous story that TV is dying.Unfortunately, the effect of this story is not just that our newspapers and airwaves have been full of bullshit for the past five years. There have been real-world effects on the lives and livelihoods of

I Love The Web. There, I Said It And I'm Not Sorry.

Because I have not joined the Divine Church of the Internet, and I do not believe it has to vanquish everything in its path to prove its value, many of my readers think I don't like it.I actually love the web. I spend way more time with it than is either prudent or healthy.Here's an example of its power. About three years ago I wrote a book called -- you guessed it -- The Ad Contrarian. In those

Facts Still Matter: The Death And Life Of Television

The New York Times, March 26, 2009: “Even though people have the opportunity to watch video on their computers and cellphones, TV accounts for 99 percent of all video consumed in 2008..."This is a story about a story. A story that has been repeated so many times, in so many places, with so much zeal, that it has taken on a life of its own -- despite the fact that it is false.The theme of the

The One Question Every Client Should Ask And Never Does

Earlier this week in a post called "Clients Ask All The Wrong Questions" I said...Any agency person who's ever participated in a new business pitch has been asked this question: "What is the process you use to develop advertising ideas?"I also said...There may be a process for developing a strategy; there may be a process for developing a media plan; but there is no process for giving birth to an

Advertising And Evolution

Yesterday we started a 2-parter about the death of advertising. We talked about a dumb piece written by a Wharton professor.Today we're going to talk about a smart piece written by Bob Garfield of Ad Age. Bob doesn't actually come out and say that advertising is dead, but he does say, "the post-advertising age is under way." I'm not sure what that means, but he makes a much better case for a

Advertising Is Dead Again

This week there have been two major pieces about the death of advertising. One was very dumb, the other was very smart.The dumb one was by some professor at Wharton with credentials from Cornell and MIT.The smart one was by Bob Garfield of Ad Age. (Give me a wise-ass over a PhD any day.)Let's talk about the dumb one today and the smart one tomorrow.The dumb one is called Why Advertising Is

Clients Ask All The Wrong Questions

Any agency person who's ever participated in a new business pitch has been asked this question: "What is the process you use to develop advertising ideas?"

Any agency person with an ounce of integrity has answered thusly: "Schmuck, there is no process."

In other words, no agency person has ever answered that way.

There may be a process for developing a strategy; there may be a process for

5 Things I Hate About The Web

I love pizza. But I understand that there are things about it that are unpleasant. For one thing, it makes me fat. It also isn't terribly helpful to my general health.I also love the web. But I realize that it, too, has some pretty unpleasant consequences. Here are 5 things I hate about the web.1. The demise of newspapers: There are larger economic issues than just the web responsible for the

It's Not Just An eBook, It's A Free Book

The Ad Contrarian ebook is finally available. It's free and worth every penny.You can download it by clicking here.Some things you should know:1. It's short. You can read it in about an hour. Since most ad people have nothing to do now anyway, you can be done with it by lunch.2. I apologize to those who have been waiting patiently. Like everything ever created for the web, this has taken way

Worse Than Twitter

From Jason Headley:"If you're too fucking lazy to type: http://12seconds.tv/"

Where's The Advertising In Online Advertising?

I have an odd thought about online advertising. What if there's no such thing?What if it's really a whole lot of other things?Let's start at the beginning.In tv, radio or magazines, product marketing is primarily one thing -- ads. Sure, there is some product placement and some pr, but 98% of the "marketing content" is ads.On the web, it's different. There are social media. There are sites and

Ignore The Paperwork

I'm no David Ogilvy, but I've had a reasonably successful advertising career.One of my secrets is to ignore the paperwork. When I'm doing a creative project I never wait for the paper. When it comes, I used it for fact-checking, never for guidance.Often what happens in an agency is that you will meet with a client, you will talk about a project, and then someone will write up a brief and do the

Advertising Reflects Everything

Here in San Francisco we have something called "casual carpools." People line up, you pick them up in your car, and then you can cross the Bay Bridge in the carpool lane.I once picked up a crazy old lady who thought every license plate had a secret meaning. The whole trip she was trying to interpret license plates. "5JNU361. What do you think that means?"The advertising press is like that. They

How To Be A Happy Creative Director

Last week, The Denver Egoist and Scamp both had posts about what makes a good creative director. I thought I'd weigh in on this by re-posting some thoughts I published a few months ago -- not about how to be a good creative director, but how to be a happy one.Six things you need to know if you're going to be a happy, healthy creative director.1. Hiring is everything.If you have terrific people,

Online Advertising Is Like Communism

Every time you read an article or hear a talk about online advertising it always begins the same way:"The web is still in its infancy and we're just figuring out how to use it..."Right.Online advertising is like communism. It's never working very well right now, but it's always going to be great sometime in the future.Advertising Diagramed:Stop The Violence Or I'll Kill YouSixteen adults and

The 2 Most Important Words In Advertising

I've never been to ad school or art school.I've never taken a course in copywriting or design.I've never read a text book about marketing or strategy or account planning or media.So I have no idea if what I'm about to say is commonly taught in classrooms and how-to advertising books, or if it's just some heresy I made up.Creativity is very important in advertising. Strategy is very important in

What About The Research?

Last week I wrote about the Tropicana package massacre.The question I would love to have the answer to is this: What about the research?I've been around Pepsi people (the owners of Tropicana) and their kind, and I can assure you they don't wipe themselves without first researching which hand consumers prefer.Somewhere, I guarantee you, there is a very big deck that demonstrates conclusively that

Introducing Fritter. It's Even F***ing Stupider Than Twitter!

Here at Ad Contrarian global headquarters, we're always looking to improve the lives of our readers. Now we're developing something we think you're going to like. It's called Fritter. The idea behind Fritter is to enable you to waste enormous quantities of time publishing self-absorbed ruminations (just like Twitter) -- but the difference is, you can do it without involving others. (Kind of like

The Postmodern Ad Contrarian

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon and the basketball game isn't on for another couple of hours, and I haven't taken a shower yet because I've been writing all day, and I'm too lazy to finish the CD I've been working on or walk the dog, and I can't stand the thought of reading all the emails I've been ignoring all week, and my wife is at some ballet thing, and I'm saving The Times crossword for later,

My New Facebook Strategy

Half my Facebook friends I don't know. The other half I don't like. So I'm thinking about a new strategy for my Facebook page.It started a few weeks ago when I decided to cull my 'friends.'First I unfriended everyone who was using Facebook to Twitter. (Here's a tip. Nobody gives a shit that it's sunny in your fucking backyard, okay?)Then I unfriended everyone who used Facebook to bore the shit

Traditional vs Digital Smackdown

The subject of today’s sermon is going to be the effectiveness of traditional advertising versus some types of non-traditional online advertising. Before we begin, however, a few caveats:1. Don’t be afraid of the graph. I know ad people see a graph and their brains start to hemorrhage. Just be cool, I’ll explain it.2. I am excluding “search” from this discussion. I don’t know what the hell search

Research Proves Advertising Makes You Happier

Working in advertising may be a living hell, but apparently viewing it is a little slice of heaven.At least that's what an article in The New York Times reported yesterday. They quoted two new research studies that claim to prove that advertising actually improves peoples' enjoyment of television."In one experiment... New York University, had 87 undergraduates watch an episode of the sitcom “

The ROI On Bullshit

It seems that Twitter has now become an essential business tool.An article* appeared in AdAge last week entitled "When Calculating Twitter's ROI, Don't Forget Its Change on Organizations." The article began by asking the following question:"What's the bigger idea: social media as marketing stimulus or social media as a way to innovate business processes? "Personally, I believe the correct answer

The Two Elements Of Advertising

The natural world as we know it is composed of 117 elements. Some of these elements we are very familiar with, e.g. oxygen, gold, carbon. Some we have never heard of -- meitnerium, darmstadtium and ununquadium.Some elements occur naturally and are all around us. Nitrogen, for example, comprises about 75% of the air we breathe. Some we can only create for millionths of a second by smashing atoms

2 Latest Thoughts About Twitter

Last week I made a lot of readers unhappy with my posts (here and here) about Twitter.It's not good strategy to antagonize your audience but, what the hell, it's only a hobby. Here are two more thoughts.Latest Thought #1:I have summed up my opinion of Twitter in the following way: It's how the narcissistic keep in touch with the feckless.To bolster my case, I call your attention (thanks to David

If You Liked Borat You'll Love The Ukrainian Army

It's video day here at TAC.First is a spot for the Ukrainian Army (along with a translation.) This is not a joke, it's a real spot. Apparently, in the Ukraine, they let monkeys direct and account planners write.GIRL 1: Would you take us for a ride on your BMW?BMW-DRIVER: Even to the end of the world!SOLDIER: Hey, i’d like to drown some vodka, girls!GIRL 1:

So Wrong For So Long

For almost 2 years now, we here at Ad Contrarian global headquarters have been ranting about the imbeciles in the press and in the marketing industry who have convinced themselves, and most of the ad industry, that television is dead.I am very happy to gloatingly report to you today that television viewing is at its all-time highest point ever. EVER.Regardless of all the bullshit you read, there

Nobody Gives A S*** About Your Philosophy

You know that big new corporate branding campaign you're planning? The one where you tell the world about your company philosophy so they'll finally understand how nice and virtuous you are?Here's a tip: Nobody gives a shit.Nobody gives a shit that...you believe people are your greatest asset.you believe one person can make a difference.you think the world needs to be more connected.you think we

Social Media Is Like A Husband

There are days when this blog takes over my life. Having a "social media" website is like having a husband:It needs constant care and feedingIf you don't prod it, it will just sit there and do nothingAfter a while you'll wonder why you ever thought it was excitingAll your friends think it's stupidIt smells up the bathroomBefore you embark on a social media project, take a close look at the worst

The Envelope Please

Last week we held a survey on the following subject: Which dead people, if alive today, would be Twitterers?The brilliant readers of The Ad Contrarian have decided that among 20 famous dead people the one least likely to have had a Twitter account is Eleanor Roosevelt. Most likely was Andy Warhol, followed closely by Marilyn Monroe.Would this person have had a Twitter account?Andy Warhol ------

The Old Ball Game

Next week, spring training begins in earnest. So let's take a day off from the horrors of advertising and focus on something pleasant: a true baseball story.Last year, a player in the San Francisco Giants organization developed a strange ailment. Three fingers on one of his hands suddenly turned blue because of a circulation problem.The ailment forced him out of action in June, and he missed the

3 New Thoughts About Twitter

It has come to my attention that there were a few readers who I neglected to insult or antagonize in my rant about Twitter the other day. Consequently, more ranting is called for.New Thought #1:A number of commenters about my previous Twitter post assumed that I am either anti-technology or protective of traditional advertising. I am neither.As a former science teacher, I have a great fondness

Interactivity Takes Bold New Step

Thanks to DOTAC for this.Unclear On The ConceptAccording to The Buffalo News in Buffalo, NY..."Muzzammil Hassan is the founder and chief executive officer of Bridges TV, which he launched in 2004, amid hopes that it would help portray Muslims in a more positive light."Last week Hassan was arrested for beheading his wife.I think you're on the wrong track here, Hassan.

6 Thoughts About Twitter

Thought #1:Last week in New York City there was something called Twestival -- "fun people who are passionate about social media and changing the world." (Think I'm kidding? Check it out.)It was a gathering of Twitter maniacs who got together to celebrate...what? Sending stupid little messages to people they don't know? Oh, and saving the world.Apparently, many of the people at Twestival didn't

TAC Scoops NY Times Again

In a post from last August called "Would TV Please Die Already", TAC said:People with low reading comprehension -- and online maniacs who can't stand the idea of people using any medium other than their precious web -- read the hysterical reports in the press...and think that means everyone has stopped watching television.Just to set the record straight, since the year 2000, when all this "tv is

Silver Bullet Seduction

Marketers are always looking for a silver bullet, a magical answer.And yet most business success is not the result of quantum events, it is the result of incremental improvements in products and services.McDonald's, perhaps the most maligned company in the world, has had 55 consecutive months of same store sales growth, an 80% increase in profit, and a 6% growth in its share price last year --

Advertising And The Economic Stimulus Package

I'm no economist. I can barely make change for a twenty.But I have some questions about the "stimulus package" being hammered out in Washington.It starts with Seth Godin. Seth wrote a very interesting post a few weeks ago, which I commented on recently. The post was called "Do Ads Work?" It made a very thought-provoking point.If advertising works i.e., if it returns more money than it costs, why

Best Idea Of The Day

And speaking of the economy, here's the best idea I've heard -- from Tom Friedman's column today in the NY Times:“All you need to do is grant visas to two million Indians, Chinese and Koreans,” said Shekhar Gupta, editor of The Indian Express newspaper. “We will buy up all the subprime homes. We will work 18 hours a day to pay for them. We will immediately improve your savings rate — no Indian

George Parker, Beat This

Here's a great little film. Every swear ever uttered on The Sopranos, in order.the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.Thanks to S. Krinsky for this

What If We're All Wrong

Everybody agrees that the advertising industry is in the crapper. Everybody agrees it has to change. But nobody seems to have a vision of where it has to go.There are two prevailing visions of the future for ad agencies.First is the "everything digital" vision. We've all read about this a thousand times: advertising is dead...conversations...communities...engagement, blah, blah, blah.Second is

Holiday Gift Giving

I'm having a bagel.Normally, I have Horizon Organic cream cheese with my bagel. First, because it's a client, and second because it's so much better than anything else. (This is not pandering. Try it, you'll see.)My grocery was out of Horizon this morning and I had to get Kraft Philadelphia cream cheese -- not nearly as good, but acceptable in a pinch.So I'm opening the package and on the wrapper

You Owe Me Bigtime

Let's be honest here.I work my ass off writing this blog every day (okay, maybe not every day, and maybe not my whole ass.)I spend every Saturday sketching out the week. I'm up at 3 every morning writing. And what do I get in return? Nada. Bupkis. Zilch. (I mean, beside all the money and the super-hot nymphos.)So you owe me. Once a year, we have our pledge week, and this is it. There are two

7 Lessons From Apple

The New York Times had a nice piece yesterday about how Apple has been kicking Microsoft’s ass in advertising for about a thousand years.Here are some lessons from that rivalry.1. Apple’s advertising is always about product benefits and differentiation. It is never idiotic “branding” like the Gates/Seinfeld atrocity, or “I am a PC.” No lifestyle bullshit, just clear differentiation between its

I Watched The Wrong Super Bowl

I must have watched the wrong Super Bowl.The one I watched had all the usual Super Bowl advertising stuff:Dancing AliensLovable Insects Cars Screeching and CrashingPeople Flying Out Of WindowsReally Big ExplosionsWomen With Very Large BreastsMovie Trailers about Dancing Aliens, Lovable Insects, Cars Screeching and Crashing, People Flying Out of Windows, Really Big Explosions and Women With Very

The Hoffman Index

A few years ago I developed a theory* about how to balance imagery and information in advertising. I modestly called it The Hoffman Index.The theory was based on the following assumptions:All advertising contains both information and imagery.Consumers use a different mix of information and imagery in making buying decisions for different kinds of products.Getting the balance right for each kind

One Last Super Bowl Thought

Seventy-seven percent of the wealth in America is controlled by people over 50. Exactly which Super Bowl spots did America's marketing geniuses direct at these people?

Explosions, Monsters, Crashes, Aliens

Random notes on the Super Bowl:Please Give It Up Already: DrinkabilityBest Names: #1: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie; #2: Clancy PendergastBest Score (Of The Musical Kind): Coke insects spotBiggest, Dumbest Spot: AudiSame Fantasy Idea Twice In A Row: Doritos & Go DaddyOne Star, One Joke, No Idea: LeBron James/State Farm; Conan O'Brien/BudThe "Someone's Got To Use Monkeys" Award: CastrolFun Couple:

Social Media Skepticism

Several months ago I wrote a guest post for Copyblogger called, "A Cranky, Skeptical Loudmouth Looks at Social Media Marketing." I re-read it the other day and liked it, so I thought I'd reproduce it here with a few edits. Also, it's Friday and I'm a lazy bastard.I stand naked before you with the intent of committing heresy (okay, I’m not really naked, but I’m still pretty unsettling to look at.)

Only In Berkeley

Berkeley is a non-stop chucklefest. Here's the latest.It seems that the Berkeley Public Library is in violation of the city's Nuclear Free Ordinance. No, they're not enriching uranium down in the basement or stashing H-bombs in the comparative lit stacks.So what's the problem? Well, it seems they have these 5 scanners for checking out library books. The only company that services these scanners

Never Speak The Truth

We are a culture of hypocrites.We scream about the lack of honesty in public discourse -- the dreadful language of obfuscation that politicians use, the awful words-without-meaning of corporate America.But as soon as someone dares to say something without measuring it five ways, we jump down his throat.Take the case of the poor PR guy from Ketchum. He was Twitter-ing from Memphis where he had

How Advertising Works - Part 5: The Final Principle

In parts one and two of this series I observed that most ad people and most agencies do not have unifying principles for how and why they create advertising. In parts three and four I discussed the first and second principles of what I call Performance-Based Advertising (PBA). Today, I'll talk about the third and final principle.Principle #3: We don’t get them to try our product by convincing

The Other Thing Advertising Does

Seth Godin had a very interesting post a few weeks ago called Do Ads Work?His point (if he'll allow me to paraphrase) was that if advertising works -- i.e., if it brings in more money than it costs -- why not spend everything you have on advertising? If you can trade one dollar for two, why not do it with all your dollars? The way Seth put it was this:So, why, precisely, do you have an ad budget?

New Poll Results

First, thanks to those of you who took my poll last week. For those who are interested, here's what you do:Work in an ad agency46.6% Work in marketing 16.4% Work in advertising, but not in an agency7.3% Freelance7.3% Student7.3% Don't work in marketing, but make marketing decisions5.0% Work for a media company4.6% Work, but not in marketing

We're All Creative. Yeah, Right.

We're in one of those awful business cycles during which every ad agency manager is required to stand up and rally the troops. It's the law.One of the highlights of the obligatory pep talk occurs when the agency manager solemnly states that old slice of baloney that "we're all creative."Well, I've got bad news. We're not all creative.As a matter of fact, hardly any of us are. Even those of us who

The Mystery Of Success

Here's a mystery.Those of us who have worked at global ad agencies know how screwed up most of them are. Those of us who see the output of these agencies know how lousy much of it is.And yet big, successful companies keep hiring the same 4 agency networks over and over while much smarter, smaller agencies have to fight over scraps.Why is this?The most obvious reason is that people like to work

How Advertising Works - Part 4: The Second Principle

In parts one and two of this series I observed that most ad people and most agencies do not have unifying principles for how and why they create advertising. In part three, I discussed the first principle of what I call Performance-Based Advertising. Today, I'll talk about the second principle.Principle #2: Advertising messages should be created for, and directed at, the heavy-using, high-yield

I Got Your Stimulus Package Right Here

One of the strange things about being the head of an ad agency is that people think you know stuff.It's not unusual for clients to ask me what I think about the economy or when I think the recession will end. Asking a copywriter about economics is like asking a cat about chemistry.Nonetheless, when asked, I have to answer. So here's what my answers have been.1. This "recession" is not a recession

Fire Your Account Planners

Okay, you no longer need planners. You can fire them all and save lots of money.All the mind-numbing planning bullshit you'll ever need is encapsulated in this unbearable video from Leo Burnett. I dare you to watch the whole thing.If it were a put-on, it would be hilarious. Unfortunately, it's not.

Who Are You?

A few days ago, somebody asked me "who reads your blog?" This was done in the snidest possible fashion, as if to say, "what kind of freaking moron reads your blog?"Once I got over the hurt, I realized that, for the most part, I have no idea what kind of freaking moron reads my blog.I don't want your name or your email address (come to think of it, though, your Visa card number would be nice to

Annals Of Branding

With all the bullshit that marketers generate about branding, you'd think they could at least get something right about a brand.TAC was driving in San Jose, CA a few weeks ago. We passed by Extended Stay Deluxe. According to their website, there are more than 680 Extended Stay places in the US and Canada.Apparently, however, Extended Stay Deluxe is such an idiotic name, they have to put a big red

I Knew It!

According to an article at Space. com..."The universe appears to be lopsided..."I knew something was wrong.

How Advertising Works - Part 3: The First Principle

In parts one and two of this series I observed that most ad people do not have unifying principles for how and why they create advertising. I promised I would give you some, and today we begin with the first principle.Principle #1: Advertising is most productive when it is focused on changing behaviors, not attitudes.If you listen to advertising people talk, you'll think the most important thing

7 Things You Really Don't Want To Know About Me

There is an insidious pyramid thing going around in which bloggers are being asked to reveal 7 things about themselves in their blogs.I would normally ignore it but I was tagged by the wonderful Ad Broad. Nobody with any sense defies the Ad Broad.So, here are 7 things you’ll wish you didn’t know about me.1. I like people who don’t like people.2. I have never seen American Idol, Desperate

How Advertising Works - Part 2: Overview

(Most of this series, "How Advertising Works," comes from my book The Ad Contrarian which will be available here free as an ebook as soon as I can get my lazy ass into gear.)Ask the average ad agency executive what the fundamental principles are behind the advertising she does and you will likely get stunned silence.When she recovers, you will probably hear a series of buzzwords rather than

We're Number One

BusinessWeek magazine has a website called "Business Exchange" in which it features articles on topics of interest to business people. One of the topics it has been covering is "Advertising In A Recession."There are almost 400 articles on this topic which BusinessWeek has identified. The most read article on this topic appeared here in TAC, and was written by guest blogger Sharon Krinsky. The

More Self-Congratulation

Last month, in a post entitled "Will The Recession Help TV?" guest blogger Susan Bandura wrote..."... most pundits are saying that TV advertising is more vulnerable than ever – that companies are going to cut their TV advertising budgets, that DVR penetration is going to help put the nail in the coffin.But what’s really going to happen to TV viewing in the near future?Let’s see … everybody has a

How Advertising Works - Part 1: The Problem

Admit it, you're confused. You don't know how advertising works.Like everyone in advertising and marketing, you pretend you do. But you don't.You believe that ads that win awards are superior to mundane, slice-of-life ads. But why do you believe that? Because you've seen proof, or because everyone else in advertising believes it?You believe that ads that touch an emotion are more powerful than

New And Unimproved

Welcome to the new and unimproved Ad Contrarian '09.After a year and a half, the staff here at TAC Worldwide feel the need to make some changes. And just like most organizations, we're changing for one reason and one reason only -- because it's much easier than improving.So, here's the deal. We're not going to be posting every day. It may be once a week or twice a week or whenever the hell we