See You In September

In observance of "Worldwide No Blogging Week" The Ad Contrarian is -- you guessed it -- not blogging this week. Happy Labor Day.

Online Chaos

In observance of "Worldwide No Blogging Week" The Ad Contrarian is -- you guessed it -- not blogging this week. Instead we'll be posting some oldies. Here's one.Here's why your viral campaign went nowhere; why your video on YouTube is getting way fewer hits than you expected; and why your blog was a bust.The internet is chaotic. Success is random and unpredictable. Most success is the result of

Death Of Mass Marketing Postponed

In observance of "Worldwide No Blogging Week" The Ad Contrarian is -- you guessed it -- not blogging this week. Instead we'll be posting oldies. Here's one.December 28, 2004 NEW YORK (New York Times) -- Jim Nail, principal analyst at Forrester Research, said, “You’re seeing the end of the era of mass marketing.” October 30, 2007 NEW YORK (AdAge.com) -- ...ad time for the Super Bowl is

You've Got A Brand Problem!

In observance of "Worldwide No Blogging Week" The Ad Contrarian is -- you guessed it -- not blogging this week. Instead we'll be posting some oldies. Here's one.There was a time in America when every problem was a "communications" problem.If you couldn't get along with your husband, you probably weren't "speaking the same language." If your kid was incorrigible, you just couldn't "get through" to

The Yellow And Brown Process

In observance of "Worldwide No Blogging Week" The Ad Contrarian is -- you guessed it -- not blogging this week. Instead we'll be posting some oldies. Here's one.Prospective advertising clients want to believe that there is a method to the madness.More and more, success in winning new business is not about what you do (the effectiveness of the advertising you have created), but about how you do it

Mort Kohn

This week the advertising industry, and the world, lost someone special.Mort Kohn was a wonderful person. An artist, an art director, and a gentle, sweet man.Our world has an unfortunate habit of bestowing high status on the famous and wealthy, at the expense of people who really deserve high status -- the good and the compassionate.At a young age, I was made creative director of Allen and

Some Things I Don't Understand

1. I travel to the Mid-West frequently, and I often come across something called the Fifth Third Bank.One question always comes to mind. How the hell did they come up with that name?I have two theories. First, Fifth National Bank merged with Third National Bank. This seems the most likely explanation. The problem is, it just raises another question. Why would anyone name themselves Fifth National

"Worldwide No Blogging Week"

It is both agreeable and welcome that from time to time each citizen of this noisy and fretful planet just shuts the fuck up.There is, perhaps, no group to whom this principle more suitably applies than the Royal and Ancient Society of Blowhards -- otherwise known as "bloggers."Consequently, I am suggesting that bloggers throughout the world recognize and acknowledge this fact by shutting it down

Would TV Please Die Already

A smart guy named Alan Wolk who writes a blog called The Toad Stool had a post a few days ago called "Kids Still Love TV."To amplify that a little, not only do kids still love tv, the rest of us do, too.People with low reading comprehension -- and online maniacs who can't stand the idea of people using any medium other than their precious web -- read the hysterical reports in the press about

A Priest, A Rabbi, And Barack Obama Go Into A Bar...

Want to do an interesting experiment?Go to David Letterman's website. Go through his archive of monologues. Watch a random sample of his monologues going back to, say, January. See if you can find any gags about Barack Obama.You'll find tons of Hillary "pants suit" jokes; McCain "old guy" jokes; Bush "dumb guy" jokes; and Clinton "horny guy" jokes. Obama jokes? Hardly a one.Is Obama not

How Advertising Really Works

Someone at our agency, let's call him Joe, has a good friend who's a creative director at another agency, let's call him Tom.Tom's agency won a very prestigious planning award for the account Tom is creative director on.Joe congratulated Tom on the campaign and on winning the award. Tom laughed."Why are you laughing?" asked Joe.Tom replied, "I never had a single conversation with the planner."

Life In The Post-Advertising World

On several occasions I have commented on the blindness of the "advertising is dead" crowd.They declare that we are in a "post-advertising" age.Meanwhile, every square inch of the fucking planet is covered in advertising. Every dry cleaning bag, urinal, bus stop, gasoline pump, supermarket floor, stick that divides your groceries from the smelly guy in front of you, hat, t-shirt and license

ADWEEK Shatters World Baloney Record

With the Olympic Games in full swing, ADWEEK has won a TAC Gold Medal by breaking the indoor record for impenetrable, incomprehensible drivel (a demonstration sport) with a piece called Beyond Integration.In this article we learn..."If it's true that the medium is the message, then it follows that the media experience is the brand. "Uh, really? How does that follow? And, also -- just as an aside

The Jargon Factory

Here at TAC Global Headquarters, there are some things we just can't abide. Heading the list are hypocrisy, jargon, and pizza with chicken or leafy vegetables.Today we're going to jettison some jargon. A good place to start is "The Conversation."Are you sick of "The Conversation?" Do you want to take the next moron who says it and wring his fucking neck? Take a hammer to his long tail?Good. I can

Why Copy Testing Is Bogus

"My friend shot a 158," Joe said. “That’s the worst round of golf I’ve ever heard of,” said Mike. “No it’s not. It’s a great round of golf,” said Joe. “You’re crazy,” Mike said. “How can you say that?” “He only has one arm.”I made up that little story to make a point. The point is about copy testing, and we'll get back to it in a minute.Copy testing is despised in the ad industry for a number

When Bad Things Happen to Good Campaigns

If you want to screw up a good campaign, take a terrific character and turn him into a pitch man: Exhibit 1:The Better BloggerTAC wrote a piece last week called The Bitter Blogger in which he railed against bloggers who did not include The Ad Contrarian on their blog rolls.Attentive reader The Denver Egotist noticed that TAC himself does not have a blog roll. To atone for this, TAC would now

Why Fallon Is Untrustworthy

The Wall Street Journal reports that Sony is pondering whether to give the global ad assignment for its Bravia brand of flat panel televisions to Fallon.Fallon has done a wonderful job of making Bravia a success with great advertising (see spot below.) So what's the problem?Well, Fallon may not be big enough to really fuck this thing up.You see, super-size knuckleheads really like to hang with

10 Ways to Write 5 Times Better Online Copy in 3 Easy Steps

People often say to me, "Bob, how can I be a successful online copywriter like you?" Well, I'm here to tell you that you, too, can be a famous online copywriter and make billions of dollars and have red-hot nymphos crawling all over you.What's the secret? First, you need to get some words. Without words, writing is a thankless chore. Take the Sumerians. They didn't have words. They had pictures.

Shocking Discovery From TiVo

Just when you think market researchers can't get any stupider, they exceed expectations.Last week PowerWatch -- Tivo's audience measurement service -- made this startling announcement: Consumers are more likely to watch commercials that are relevant to them.You gotta be kidding!TiVo actually studied 20,000 of their subscribers to figure this one out. I could have studied an egg salad sandwich

Why We Need To Kill Them All

On a number of occasions I've said we need to kill all account planners and start over. Here's why.Last week they had a big hoo-hah account planning conference in Miami (missed it -- had to wash my hair.)Ad Age ran a column about the high points. The conclusions from this conference are so mind-numbingly cliche-ridden that they are almost a parody of themselves.Here are a few choice excerpts